I literally lost a whole person, lol. I gave up on the young man I was dating because the relationship was draining all my energy. It was a very hard thing to do but I feel revived, and like a tremendous "weight" is lifted from me. I've been praying on this for a while and God finally revealed to me what I needed to do. I know that if I let go, I can move and be more content with my life.
I feel like I deserve better. I want someone to build a future with, but I need someone who appreciates me and respects me and is willing to put some effort into a relationship. My heart really was into him, but my head was telling me he wasn't a good match for me. I begin dating him during a time of uncertainty in my life, where I was still discovering myself. The whole entire time I was with him I had doubts about my future such as where am I going to work for the long term?, am I going to grad school?, what will I study in grad school?. However, now that I am more sure of my future, I am certainly positive that he does not have a spot in it.
He is a nice young man by some standards and would make someone a great husband one day, if he gets it together, but I can't settle for barely no communication or conversation unless, he needs my support on something. He barely took me out on dates and I felt I was not his speed because I'm celibate, so I guess I wasn't worth his effort. But I'm so glad I held onto my principles.
The kicker for me was no acknowledgment for Valentines, in fact he went to a party with exotic dancers on Valentine's weekend. People keep telling me its a phase some young men go through, but guess what? Its a phase I don't want to tolerate in my life. I DON'T want that type of man. I want a nice, calm man, who has respect for himself and the women in his life. I want to a date someone who is husband material, someone who is at least a good friend. Anything less will not do. Anything else is a waste of my time, and a waste of space in my heart.I'm so glad I waited until I was this age to start seriously dating because now I have a much better vision of the relationship I want to be in.
I finally let go of this relationship and I feel like I'm 20 feet tall, now that I'm not cowering and comprising my heart to someone who wasn't ready for a relationship. I just appreciate myself so much more. In 2011 I'm doing an inventory of the people in my life and I'm spending less time and energy on people that drain me and don't contribute to my well-being.
This is a song that describes my mood. I just feel good like the vibe in this song by Maysa called "Compliments".
