K Michelle... Where are your receipts?

I haven't even watched much of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, but I am disturbed by some of the drama on the show.  Stevie J and Joseline are scripted, they are pretending to be a couple, but she was trying to get with Ricky Smiley on his radio show.....

Anyway my problem is with K Michelle, who claims her ex, Memphitz, physically abused her and stole her money($2million) from the record label. It has been at least 3 years since any of this took place. Now Memphitz recently married the sweetheart of reality tv, Toya Wright( who is a mini mogul in the making). They are a beautiful couple and they are very successful in their endeavours and I think K Michelle wanted to rain on their parade.

She is a struggling artist...let's be real, her albums are not platinum or even gold. K Michelle, is 34 years old and is still trying to make it big in the music industry.  Is she trying to ride off Memphitz and Toya's fame by claiming abuse? If he did abuse her,  does she offer any proof? She never called the police to report it. She doesn't have any pictures, text messages or anything. Where are her receipts? It seems like she is selling her story for some fame. Maybe there was an altercation between Memphitz and K Michelle, but is she blowing it out of proportion for some camera time and Itunes sales. If Memphitz was not married to Toya would this story be as sensational?

This is the video of Toya standing up for her man and addressing the situation.

My warning to K Michelle is this. You can't ride on this situation forever. Whatever happened between you and Memphitz, should not be the selling point for your career. When the smoke clears will anyone want to listen to your records? The record industry is a hard business. You see artist like Monica, and Keyshia Cole struggling for hits. K Michelle you can sing, but so can a million other people. Don't sell yourself out for 15 minutes of fame.

Ladies, Ask me how I lost 162lbs in a week.

I literally lost a whole person, lol. I gave up on the young man I was dating because the relationship was draining all my energy. It was a very hard thing to do but I feel revived, and like a tremendous "weight" is lifted from me. I've been praying on this for a while and God finally revealed to me what I needed to do. I know that if I let go, I can move and be more content with my life.

I feel like I deserve better. I want someone to build a future with, but I need someone who appreciates me and respects me and is willing to put some effort into a relationship. My heart really was into him, but my head was telling me he wasn't a good match for me. I begin dating him during a time of uncertainty in my life, where I was still discovering myself. The whole entire time I was with him I had doubts about my future such as where am I going to work for the long term?, am I going to grad school?, what will I study in grad school?. However, now that I am more sure of my future, I am certainly positive that he does not have a spot in it.

He is a nice young man by some standards and would make someone a great husband one day, if he gets it together, but I can't settle for barely no communication or conversation unless, he needs my support on something. He barely took me out on dates and I felt I was not his speed because I'm celibate, so I guess I wasn't worth his effort. But I'm so glad I held onto my principles.

The kicker for me was no acknowledgment for Valentines, in fact he went to a party with exotic dancers on Valentine's weekend. People keep telling me its a phase some young men go through, but guess what? Its a phase I don't want to tolerate in my life. I DON'T want that type of man. I want a nice, calm man, who has respect for himself and the women in his life. I want to a date someone who is husband material, someone who is at least a good friend. Anything less will not do. Anything else is a waste of my time, and a waste of space in my heart.I'm so glad I waited until I was this age to start seriously dating because now I have a much better vision of the relationship I want to be in.

I finally let go of this relationship and I feel like I'm 20 feet tall, now that I'm not cowering and comprising my heart to someone who wasn't ready for a relationship. I just appreciate myself so much more. In 2011 I'm doing an inventory of the people in my life and I'm spending less time and energy on people that drain me and don't contribute to my well-being.

This is a song that describes my mood. I just feel good like the vibe in this song by Maysa called "Compliments".

Pulse

Here is a snippet of a poem I'm working on that describes my attitude towards life, called Pulse

Pulse

I want to experience life for myself. I want to live in its pulse.
I want to feel my feet tread over its heartbeat.
I want to dance life in my hips and
speak it from my lips.
My heartbeat longs to be
 in tune to life's pulse,
without it I'm just a lovedrunk, star struck,
diamond in the rough, dancing off beat.

But more than anything, I want to move in tune
with the rhythms of love and happiness
under my feet ,whether its In a Sentimental Mood, like Miles and Coltrane.

Even if its being a diva like Aretha, belting out, "Rock Steady baby"
 and maybe even a little Erykah Badu, screaming, ' I want you....."
"in the worst kind of way, way, way, way....I want you..."

maybe even having fun like Chaka Khan, "All night and day just drifting away....
but whatcha gonna do for me, when the going gets rough, boy".

I want the life that God meant for me,
like a blue jay living in a tree,
free of its cage,
grasping in what the Angels know,
and pulsing on God's hope.

Kujichagulia, Self Determination in 2011

 I am so excited for 2011,  and not for what it will bring to me, BUT for What I Can Bring To It. One of the principles of Kwanzaa is Kujichagulia, or Self Determination and that is what I am focusing on this year. I am learning that in order to be successful and happy you have to define success on your own terms and not by others definitions, because you could never ever please everyone and you shouldn't try. Instead do what you know is right and welcome other people's input, but don't let them define your life.

For so much of my life I was successful academically and I listened to other people tell me, who they thought I was, and tell me what they wanted and  what they expected from me. But now in 2011 I feel like I am living life on my own terms. I am living by my own definition of success and by that I am learning that I don't have to go to Princeton or Yale or the fanciest grad school,  and I don't have to drive a Lexus Mercedes or have a nfl player husband to be happy or successful. Regardless of what your stature in life, success is being happy and content when you come home at the end of the day.

I am finally on a path, that I have put much consideration and thought into and I am applying to start graduate school in the fall, along with that I am also applying for a fellowship working with at-risk youth. Initially, I was only applying for law school, but I  realized I can help at-risk youth in other ways. I can work as a lawyer or policy advocate, or I can work to educate them. Either way, I know I will be happy and satisfied with my career field. But I am expanding my options.

My goal in life is to be a poltical figure or a policy advocate, but I am realizing it won't happen overnight and it may take 20 or 30 years, but I am determined to navigate my ship and enjoy my journey. I am now starting to appreciate my talents and recognize my weaknesses. I am learning to go with the path that God has for me, instead of chasing someone else's dream. I do not compare myself to others as much, but I am focused on being the best I can be. That might mean one of my friends could end up being a high-powered business woman, but I might end up being an educator or a public defender, and that is perfectly fine. I have to follow what I am good at, in order to be happy. 

In 2011 I have a much clearer vision for my future than before. It is crucial to be able to foresee or envision what you want out of life and to take the necessary steps to make it happen.  "Where there is clarity of VISION, there is acceleration towards your goals. you MUST be clear and concise on what you envision and meditate on it day and night until it becomes so real on the inside of YOU that is has not other choice but to come out of YOU! " - MARK STERLING

Also check out my poem "Pulse"

Never Give Up: The Inspiration of Aeneas

In my first post I will discuss a story from Roman Mythology that inspires me.

In school, I studied Latin for 4 years and I loved every minute of it. One of the things we translated was the epic poem, The Aeneid. This post is about how The Aeneid has inspired me in my darkest and most dismal times. To me The Aeneid speaks to the fact that there are many things in life that will threaten you as you travel along your journey, but what God has for you, no one can take it away except you.

 In the epic poem the Aeneid,  the Trojan kingdom fell at the hands of the Greeks. But destiny had something much greater in store for the people of the fallen city of Troy. Aeneas, his family and the rest of the survivors of Troy escaped the ruins of the fallen city with danger lurking at every corner. The descendants of Aeneas would go on to found the Roman empire, which the Greek gods knew would someday surpass and even contribute to the demise of the Greek empire.

So Hera, the wife of the powerful Greek god Zeus, did everything in her power to stop the Trojans from reaching their destiny, which was to found the Rome kingdom. She placed seemingly insurmountable obstacles in their way at every turn of their journey. Despite this, she could not stop them because it was their destiny to found the Roman Empire.

To me story of Aeneas speaks to the importance of perseverance and never giving up. Whenever I'm going through difficult times I think of the strength of Aeneas and the importance of being dedicated to your passion, regardless of the challenges and setbacks that you will inevitably face. Through my life I have learned that the only person that can truly stop you from reaching your destiny is you.

In homage to never giving up, here is a song that I loved from the very first time I heard it.  "Someday We'll All Be Free" by Donny Hathaway